It was really nice to see everyone last month for Ezra's 1st heaven anniversary. We were delighted to have over 150 friends crowd into our home to share pink cupcakes and pink lemonade in Ezra's honor. The candles were beautiful and lit up Ezra's shrine, casting a beautiful glow over the photos and hundreds of origami cranes that still decorate our porch.
It was wonderful to here the stories of how Ezra has changed the lives of so many people - both young and old. We found that many people thought that that day would be so hard for us, but in reality, that day was not as hard as most, because so many of our loved ones were gathered around and talking about Ezra. We love to talk about Ezra. Unfortunately when someone dies, many avoid talking about that person or even saying the person's name for fear of causing pain. Ironically our pain comes from not hearing Ezra's name.
As you can imagine, this has been a really hard year for us. The one year anniversary was an important marker for us and one we wanted to share. At Ezra's candle lighting there was a very interesting conversation going on about how other cultures mark the death of a loved one, yet in our culture there is no set way to do this.
In our grief therapy group - with other parents of children who died last year, we were able to hear what a few other families had done to mark this important day and we got some ideas from them. We are so greatful to Seattle Children's Hospital for creating these grieving groups, this allows us to come together with others who are on the same path as we are and we appreciate their comfort, wisdom, support, and friendship and especially just being able to share our honest feelings about grieving with others who completely understand.
One common misconception that many have about losing a child is that after the first year of loss, things begin to get easier. This is quite simply just not true at all. Most of the first year is spent in shock and as you come out of the shock you are actually in a very painful place, often even more painful than the first year. Also, we face many side effects from grief, sort of like post traumatic stress - problems staying focused on things, problems remembering things, problems getting things done. Everyday simple tasks are hard for us to accomplish. And so we find that time has not made Ezra's death easier for any of us, but the love, friendship, and support of our friends continues to warm our hearts and helps to give us courage to face each new day.
Thank you for being Ezra's friends and ours too. We are thankful to have you in our lives. Thank you for sharing Ezra's first Heaven anniversary with us.
